Show Imposter Syndrome Some Love

March 14 2016, 08:30am

I arrived at the architectural firm I worked for at the time, only to be confronted with a stack of spreadsheets that composed my assignment for the day. I leafed through a pile loaded with diagrams and percentages. Reading through the first page and the only letters that formed the instructions and budget specifications, I was unable to make sense of them. In retrospect, I would have consulted my manager or team up with key colleagues to execute the steps. Instead, I kept my mouth shut and suffered in silence.

I didn't want them to find out how I fooled everyone in believing I know what I'm doing... Because I didn't. Dozens of architects, engineers, designers, construction builders and traders were floating in and out of the office on a daily basis — diploma holders with their slick, leather-bound professional folders. I was a generalist in a world of specialists.

Sooner or later, they'll find out I'm not qualified. Next thing I know, I'll be kicked out of here!

For long, I incarnated the Socratic paradox that goes:

The only thing that I know for sure is that I know nothing for sure.

Of course, I don't own the monopoly of my perceived unknowingness. My personal experience fuses with the cacophony of other insecure voices.

“Even when I opened the door to the smiling faces of my family that came to celebrate, I was sure that my promotion came as nothing more than a streak of luck” — Karina, 27.

“My instructor insists that I passed my driving test after two failed attempts because I was more concentrated. I believe it was just the right time. Note that me giving it another go was too difficult to be worth doing” — Millie, 21.

“I've been a certified electrician for 17 years, but I still doubt my ability to install a heating system. In my head, anyone could do what I'm doing. In fact, there are much better hand-masters than myself” — Craig, 42.

Karina feels that she managed to climb the corporate ladder only because she had scammed her employer. Millie thinks she got her driving licence purely out of good timing — that after her first try she “was done”, and anything beyond this wasn't “worth doing”. Despite his prestigious business card and nearly two decades of electrical know-how, Craig continues to compare himself to others and remains vulnerable when serving his clients.

This psychological pattern of self-disbelief in which you're convinced you don't deserve your hard-earned success is known as Imposter Syndrome. While this cognitive distortion is not recognised in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) as a disorder, it's all-pervasive worldwide. In fact, 70% of high achievers fail to internalise their accomplishments regardless of positive feedback and objectively acclaimed skills.

The fear of being exposed as a phony, which makes you want to hide away from a place you feel you don't belong to, took root in the 70s by Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes. Clance was supervising a cohort of female students and noticed that many of them were unreasonably worried that they would fail an exam or get expelled, despite clear evidence of their competence. She confessed:

I saw these people who had [...] excellent standardi[s]ed test scores, grades, and letters of recommendation [but] these women do not experience an internal sense of success. They consider themselves to be 'imposters.'

Pangs of imposterism are totally normal so long as they don't devour your career and life. Reason being that feelings of fraudulence are not limited to a single group of people but span across gender, race, age and geographical location. Dr Valerie Young informs us that everyone is likely to sabotage their credentials and wins at some point. She explains that no matter the work background, social status and level of expertise, a large portion of us could experience the phenomenon to varying degrees, especially when slipping in a new environment.

If there is some new transitional experience, new career [...] it can trigger [imposter] feelings.

Unrealistic expectations, comparisons, and the internal struggle to properly assess one's capacity can lead to imposter syndrome. But there's a massive difference between being incompetent and feeling incompetent. While the former can be associated with the Dunning-Kruger effect in which unskilled people overrate their abilities, what triggers the latter really?

Three Types of Imposters

The I-want-to-be-perfect type

Perfectionists, aka control freaks, are the ones who stay longer at work when everyone else cruises downtown for post-shift drinks. The ones who undertake the overload just to mask their insecurity and constant sense of dissatisfaction. They tend to trivialise a benchmark they hit, feeling that there's always an ever-higher bar they need to set and transcend if they can qualify as having achieved anything. And on it goes again... Many of them even find breaks and moments of me-time as downright wasteful. (Hop on over a relevant article I wrote on hustle culture).

Instead of celebrating their strengths and accolades, they fixate on errors or flaws. This often results in self-pressure, overwork, extreme goal-setting, and crippling amounts of anxiety.

The Natural Genius

Millie's driving test sequel is a glaring example of this variant. Being the “smart one” in the family with a track record of “straight A’s” and “gold medallions”, she was as crushed with failing the first time as shameful to try again. Natural geniuses are so used to completing tasks with ease and speed at minimal effort that when success takes longer to arrive, they're filled with shame.

Usually, they'd rather be solo and snub the concept of having a mentor to navigate them through life — hence Millie's disagreement with her instructor's opinion that she made it the second time due to being more focused. On a similar note, NGs avoid activities that rest beyond their learning base. Any challenges that come along the way when taking on unfamiliar responsibilities, give them the false impression that what they’re pursuing just isn’t for them.

The I'll-do-it-myself type

Sufferers of this sort believe as though asking for help is a marker of weakness that uncovers their fakeness. To prove their worth, they prefer to be left to their own devices, taking full ownership and credit of the work. Does that sound like you?

Befriend your Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome, your unwarranted sense of inadequacy, snaps into view when you're in evolution mode; when you're getting out of your familiar, comfy depth. The only way to bust it is to stop evolving. But to stop evolving is to stop living. Is that what you want? I don't think so! That said, if you want to propel your life forward, you'll need to make imposter syndrome your bestie!

Society instructs us that we should stay away from imposterism at all costs. Dreading over being outed as a fraud usually leads in erecting internal walls of discomfort that no one is allowed to peek through. Rather than being defensive and armouring up for battle, how about ending the feud with imposter syndrome by giving it a constructive role to play?

There's always the desolate road less travelled, the one that doesn’t entail battle but invites you to embrace your soft, vulnerable nature. Just keep your ears peeled to hear that voice you’ve been too busy being a superhuman and validating your value in the eyes of others to listen to! In short: hit the pause button and sit down with that wobbly feeling to identify its presence.

“[R]recognise the imposter and where it comes from, i.e., childhood trauma or a hypercritical parent [...] and create a nemesis for the imposter — a rational-thinking opposite that reminds you of your achievements that [...] helped you get where you are and how you overcame negativity from your past” — Robert, 46.

Nobody will tell you this but the producer of your reality is you and only you (DUN DUN DUN). Yes, you get to trailblaze the pathway of your life and actions. To do so, choose what empowers you over what drags you down. Most of the times, struggle is the product of our choices which automatically makes it optional; you can opt-out of it, for while the struggle is real, it doesn't have to be your default state.

Who wants to fight with an (unnecessary) invisible enemy every single day? Nobody ever, so...

1. REFRAME

Reframe a firmly held belief that spurs your into action rather than paralysing into inaction. I'm not saying that you should pretend as if you're not feeling the scalding breath of imposter syndrome on the back of your neck. Instead, repurpose it anew to an empowering weapon. In terms of practical application, a mind rebooting from

I ain't got a clue what the heck I'm doing, and I'm dreading of the day that they'll find out I'm a swindler

TO

I'm eager to stay open and learn a lot with this [fill the blank] that I'm passionate about. I would like to glean an expertise out of it.

can be truly life-shifting and soul-salvaging.

2. HEED YOUR BODY ALARMS

Our bodies come with a built-in warning emergency system from manufacture, but we're culturally programmed to brush it off or set it on mute. Turn inwards and take notice of tell-tale signs of physical distress: is your stomach churning? Are your palms sweating? Is your heart racing?

It's all about identification and awareness of what's going on. When you're fully attuned to bodily vibrations and signals, you can adjust them to your advantage. How? By taking different actions, thereby cracking open the possibility for better outcomes due to thoughtful choices.

Let's say that you're shoved in an office, wedged among a heap of paperwork to tackle like myself 5 years ago. The humming of imposterism swells in your mind and tells you that you aren't getting it right. You begin to question your mental and lateral capacity only to end up cancelling your entire existence. Why are you there? What are you doing in this world?

Hun, your employers chose you over a jumble of other job applicants because you left them mouth agape with your creative and technical flair. Chill out, you got this!

But don't just stand and stare with your arms folded across your chest. Dig in! Get as specific as you can. Ask yourself: what is that which I'm not getting right? It's the KPI that measures the audience growth rate each Twitter post reaches monthly.

Easy and smooth, huh? Now that we have something tangible to work on, let's get down to business.

Oh! Before we dive in those metrics, be the person with an Attitude of Gratitude and thank that “Imposter Hum” for helping you out. Urge it to take a nap or read a book, now that it has paid its dues and done its duty. You had your one-on-one with discomfort and nagging thoughts of self-sabotage — that's enough. Pat them lightly on the head and give them a day off.

So, there’s something shaky about your confidence in your ability to crunch those numbers. Take it step by step. Jumpstart with a set of rough questions to get the gist:

• How far out of your scope of knowledge is the task?

• Are there defined timeframes for ideation, execution and delivery?

• Is it a large-scale project?

If your answers fall in the spectrum of “I'm out of my comfort zone. I'm having a meltdown. Help!” it’s time to seek resources. If your company is results-driven, it should rack up some cash to invest in the level of revenue and engagement it aims to generate.

Don't let the burden of even the most minute details to drop on your shoulders for the sake of a best-in-class end product. By no means do I encourage you to compromise quality or do whatever pops in your head without a structure. Just calm your nerves to regain clarity and channel your mental energy towards resolving the issue.

We always over-rush, over-compensate and over-prepare — all in an over- excess ratio, which leaves us with a fried brain. We over-push ourselves just to ignore imposter syndrome that sits in front of us and does silly faces to grab our attention. Come on, raise your gaze from the workload and have a laugh for once.

Instead of pulling your hair and sobbing in private, be honest about your feelings on the project and your expected performance with a supervisor. The role of your seniors is not ornamental; nor is their office some impassable sanctuary. They're there to support you whenever. Knock on that door and speak your mind. It’s vital to act on situations as such to put it under the microscope rather than locking it in a forgotten, dusty drawer.

Bottom line: show imposter syndrome some love by manipulating it to your liking. I'm sure that if you open up to your boss (or whoever you wish), their reaction will be: “Say no more, fam. Been there, done that”. Remember that Young, the career counsellor, affirmed that we're ALL on the same boat, likely to feel like total frauds. So don't reject it, embrace it!

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