When Being Too Happy Can Harm You

Can happiness kill you?

Look, I take it seriously when someone tells me:

‘I'm so happy my heart will explode!’

Broadly speaking, having too much of the good stuff can be harmful. Prefixes such as hyper- and ultra- as well as the adverbs “so” or “too” are like ticking bombs that could actually burst your heart.

Even the lettered people can back me up on that: June Gruber, a psychology expert at Yale University renowned for her happiness research, claims that heightened joy

‘is prospectively associated with a greater mortality risk.’ [1]

And on she goes to make it worse:

‘very high degrees of positive emotion [can result in] riskier behaviours, such as alcohol consumption, binge eating, and drug use.’ [2]

Does this mean that we're prone to mental ailments and addictive activities at our happiest? Yes. Why? This lies to the fact that when in a good mood, we are less resistant to risk-taking and more irrespective of warning signs.

I don’t judge us, though. Being upbeat 24/7 is one of the hottest wellness fads in recent years, but could excessive positivity fester into something dangerous?

Allow me to frame the above question in a personal anecdote.

A week ago, I bumped into a former classmate from my literature course (let’s name him Mark) at the bus stop. Dressed smartly in navy blue trousers and white shirt, Mark greeted me with a wave. After complimenting him on his slicked-back hair, I asked him the customary ‘How have you been,’ anticipating an “alright” or “fine” as a reply; I got a ‘Meh. Just overwhelmed’ accompanied with a nervous chuckle instead.

His straightforwardness had taken me aback to such an extent that I failed to keep the conversation rolling. Stripped of the kind of words that would comfort him, I muttered a dry “catch up later” and stepped on the bus. But who is to blame?

Culture

Mark's response that so clogged my brain stuck with me throughout the journey; but the realisation finally dawned upon me. In the grand scheme of things, my reaction stems from the ongoing pressure in Western civilisation to be happy. From the “have a lovely day” of Holly, the cashier at Sainsbury’s, to the annual Christmas adverts of Argos in which beaming families toast over lavish tables, we are spoon-fed into the same happiness rhetoric.

If that sounds far-fetched to you, recall the last time you had to put on your happy face whereas, in reality, you weren’t feeling put-together to the slightest (trust me, you’d be surprised by how recent it was).

Oh, and that other time you sneaked in the self-help department of a bookstore in hopes to “cheer up”; or when you kept double-tapping on lame Insta memes while procrastinating a demanding, anxiety-inducing project that ran on a tight deadline.

But our world seems everything but an ideal place to inhabit lately. It feels more like a rusty dungeon, to say the least, in which we're all cooped up. Whether we’re referring to the devastating effects of coronavirus, the terrorist attacks in France, or the abortion ban in Poland, it's irrational to expect everyone to be with a permanent grin etched on their face.

Social Media

As you read this, make a count: how many social media platforms do you have on your phone? Now, swiftly scroll across your timelines. What do you see? Chances are, you’ve stumbled upon the same motivational gurus that urge me as well to “banish negative thoughts” and “look at the bright side”— as if it's a crime to be something less than amazing these days.

In an era where everybody puts their rosiest, most filtered moments on display, you feel as an outcast for having a rough day. But life doesn't ask for permission; it just happens and, oftentimes, it bogs us down. It can be anything: from a layoff and a fallout to a beloved one falling ill or passing away.

Brushing bleak events over with the saccharine inspirational quotes that buzz our sunny social media feeds may not be as appropriate as it appears.

I say that the rising “merry culture” treats happiness as goods in a fast-growing industry and Svend Brinkmann, another acclaimed psychologist from Aalborg University, approves. In his Danish bestseller, Stand Firm: Resisting the Self-Improvement Craze (2014), he writes:

‘Our feelings tend to become commodities and that means we’re very easily alienated from our feelings.’ [3]

However well-intentioned the campaign for perpetual positivity, our emotions risk morphing into by-products to the point where we're wholly disconnected from them.

Negativity is as much a healthy response to certain life challenges as positive emotions

That is to say, the jolly attitude does not chime with every situation. Rather, we need to recognise that negativity is as much a healthy response to certain life challenges as positive emotions. Failing to understand so may have disastrous consequences in which, Brinkmann continues, tragic

‘realities can strike us even more intensely when they happen.’ [4]

Quite inevitably, Brinkman’s view seeded more assumptions regarding my acquaintance. I share one with you: Mark has been silencing his negative thoughts in favour of fake smiling for so long that he reached a point where he couldn't bear it anymore—hence the forthrightness of his reply.

Does this ring a 100% true? No, I wouldn't go as far as asserting this. Remember, I just hypothesise here. We better get some clarity on that through a tangible, real-life scenario.

Illuminating research findings emphasise the adaptive nature of emotions, i.e., how we adjust our behaviour in different contexts to serve survival purposes.

Frustration throws us on the fight mode, while fear supplies us with the tools to erect a wall of defence against threats. Correspondingly, sadness stirs up in us a more systematic way of thinking.

Unlike happy people who are inclined to jump to conclusions, sad ones are observant and externally guided. Psychology professor, Joe Forgas, conducted an experiment with 117 students at the Australian University of New South Wales. He played carefully selected video footage to the participants so that to provoke into them either positive or neutral spirits.

Then, they were asked to watch another film: an interrogation of people facing accusations of stealing a movie ticket. Some of the suspects were indeed guilty but were lying about their action; others confessed the truth straight away. Those students who were charged with a happy overdrive didn’t spot guilt in the defendants beyond chance level—namely, fifty percent. Their neutral counterparts, by contrast, scored way better: they managed to detect theft more easily than chance would ever predict. [4]

Bottom line: happiness is at its finest and most efficient when experienced in moderation—not too much yet not too little either.

I hop back to Gruber who notes that a forced cheery outlook may convey the wrong signals to others. In my case, it's Mark’s smart attire and waving that which tricked me the most. To be precise, these two were only a few in the pool of elements that infused the atmosphere with enough confidence to fool me into presuming he was doing well.

How could I be so superficial and focus on the hairstyle rather than digging deeper and asking him if anything was wrong?

It seems ridiculous in retrospect, but just as myriad of us are programmed and hardwired to this Western myth, so is Mark.

West vs East

It comes as no surprise then that the Eastern societal model and the looks-first West are miles apart. Tsai, Knutson, and Fung illustrated that Chinese and Chinese–American cultures value low-arousal positive states (e.g., humbleness) higher than European–Americans who privilege ephemeral, high-arousal positive states, such as excitement and promiscuity. [5]

Okay I get it, Mark wants to be happy (who doesn’t, after all?). But his perception of feeling good turns out to be a source of personal dysfunction sprinkled with plenty of “mehs” along the way.

Which begs the question:

Are There Wrong Ways of Being Happy?

The answer for those to whom being happy is an end-goal is very much likely a resounding YES. Some do not only mistake the concept of happiness with fulfilment, but confuse the state of being happy as a choice with that of being a necessity.

The outcome? They get disappointed and self-defeated when their high standards fall short of coming to fruition. When we pour our hearts out to someone, we wish to have our feelings validated, our problems normalised, and to be heard of.

Siding with Gruber, Brinkmann fears that the positivity epidemic will drain us of any desire to address our issues, let alone resolving them. And remind me, all this for what? For the sake of being pretentious and appearing happy? Please.

Sometimes, all we need is someone to tell us, at all costs, that it's okay to get by one day with a frown or to shed tears; or to fume with anger; or to not feel like talking; or to think that there’s a lot to take on in a situation; or to generally not “being in the mood”.

The key to a healthy dose of cheerfulness is somewhat counter-intuitive. Rather than striving to become someone diametrically opposite to who we are, the solution rests on acknowledging that our vulnerability can also be an asset. It’s about embracing the multi-faceted creatures we are and befriending all aspects of us — much more, the flawed ones that we inherently shy away from.

The undertone here is crystal clear: It's near-impossible to appreciate genuine amounts of happiness without sadness and the crying spell of a hit-rock-bottom condition. If anything, the sun pokes out through dark clouds after the storm. Who’s with me on that?

Conclusion: Occupying the in-between zone

Slow down. Take a few steps back. Draw a deep breath and make room for self-compassion. Work towards shifting deep-seated paradigms we’re all more all less grown up and subjected to. Bridge the gap between black and white and strike an emotional balance by painting your life portrait with shades of grey. Once you drop the dualistic all-or-nothing mind-set, a more grounded and rounded perspective shall arise. I promise.

So, accept not repress. Don't worry, be happy, as they have it, but on a moderate pace: “not too much yet not too little either”, remember? Don't let work, stress, social life, nutritional plans, technology or anything else that might keep you tossing and turning at night devour you whole. Usually, a little strategic drive is vital and viable to help you manage them all before they manage you...

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[1] June Gruber et al., ‘A Dark Side of Happiness? How, When, and Why Happiness Is Not Always Good,’ Perspectives on Psychological Science, Vol. 8, No. 3 (2011), 222-233, p. 224.

[2] Gruber, ‘A Dark Side of Happiness?’ p. 224.

[3] Svend Brinkmann, Stand Firm: Resisting the Self-Improvement Craze, trans. by Tam McTurk (Cambridge: Polity Press, 2017), p. 156.

[4] Brinkmann, Stand Firm, p. 102.

[5] Joe Forgas & Rebekah East, ‘On being happy and gullible: Mood effects on skepticism and the detection of deception,’ Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, Vol. 44 (2008), 1362-67.

[6] Jeanne L. Tsai, B.K. Knutson, & H. H. Fung, ‘Cultural variation in affect valuation,’ Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol. 90 (2006), 288-307.

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Bibliography

Brinkmann, Svend, Stand Firm: Resisting the Self-Improvement Craze, trans. by Tam McTurk (Cambridge: Polity Press, 2017)

Forgas, Joe, & East, Rebekah, ‘On being happy and gullible: Mood effects on skepticism and the detection of deception,’ Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, Vol. 44 (2008), 1362-67

Gruber, June, et al., ‘A Dark Side of Happiness? How, When, and Why Happiness Is Not Always Good,’ Perspectives on Psychological Science, Vol. 8, No. 3 (2011), 222-233

Tsai, Jeanne L., Knutson, B.K., & Fung, H. H., ‘Cultural variation in affect valuation,’ Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol. 90 (2006), 288-307

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When Being Too Happy Can Harm You last modified: 16 December 2020